“I’m not racist, I just prefer White guys.”

As part of my first-year mental health counseling program, I wrote a literature review for my Human Growth and Development class on the effect of racial discrimination (specifically ‘sexual racism’, defined later on) in the identity development and wellbeing of gay Asian-American men. I posted a snippet of it on my Instagram and since then, quite a few folks have been asking to read the whole thing (10 whole pages). So here it is — it’s a starting point and I hope y’all get something out of it or want to start a dialogue. Welcoming your reactions, feedback and comments!

“I’m not racist, I just prefer White guys”: Effects of Racial Discrimination on Sexual Identity Development of Gay Asian-American Men

In modern day America, people of color must contend every day with societal systems of oppression and White supremacy that seek to disadvantage their wellbeing and opportunities. This racial discrimination is often felt across many aspects of life and has a profound impact on their identity development and mental health, especially in the field of sexual identity development and relationships where racial stereotypes may be constructed to emasculate certain populations such as Asian-American men, and hypermasculate others, such as African-American men. Taking a systems approach, this paper will explore the effect of systemic racial discrimination on the sexual identities and psychological wellbeing of gay Asian-American males (henceforth “Gaysians”), first by analyzing historical perspectives and recent research around Gaysian masculinity and sexual racism. We will progress to a discussion of specific mechanisms by which sexual racism appears to modulate Gaysians’ sexual identities, as well as effects on their self-image and mental health. Gaps in current research and literature will be identified, and we will close with a look forward to opportunities that further this research.

Review of the Literature

Asian-American Femininity & Masculinity

Before diving into the literature surrounding Gaysian masculinity and sexual identity development, we must first explore the wider context and construction of Asian-American masculinity and femininity, which has been heavily influenced by historical events in the U.S. ranging from military involvement in Southeast Asia to anti-Chinese discriminatory laws. The notion of ‘Orientalism’ was created by Western societies to represent ‘Eastern’ societies, cultures and histories as being “wild and disordered in opposition to the rational and orderly West” (Azhar, 2021, p. 4). This form of othering enables the White colonialist machinery to promulgate their values, religion and law as the ‘civilized’ version and to forcibly inject these into non-Western cultures in hopes of civilizing them.

In particular, Asian women have been depicted as highly effeminate and submissive through representations “from geishas to dragon ladies”; through this positioning, they are often fetishized as “experience(s) that is to be encountered, and an adventure that is to be had” (Azhar, 2021, p. 9). As a result, rarely are Asian women afforded the agency over their own sexual desire, and instead are often objects of it. American military intervention especially in the Vietnam War was seen to reinforce these stereotypes of Asian women as “subjugated global populations whose sexuality, much like their land and resources, become the property of their colonizers.” We observed such colonizer relationships between White American soldiers and Asian female sex workers throughout the Vietnam War, subsequently perpetuated through media and art such as the Broadway show ‘Miss Saigon’, which contribute to the perception of Asian women as targets of racialized and sexualized domination by White men.

While Asian women are portrayed in disempoweringly overfeminized ways, Asian men were conversely portrayed as highly effeminate and emasculated with little sexual desirability. A common insulting stereotype of Asian men is that they “possess small genitalia” (Azhar, 2021, p. 10), which when contextualized within a White-centric context indicates that their masculinity is lesser-than. Indeed, American history reinforced such tropes through anti-miscegenation laws in the early to mid 20th century that made it illegal for Chinese and White people to marry.

Queer AND Asian

For Asian-Americans who also identify as queer, there is an additional minority layer that is added such that they may feel like a “minority within a minority” (Azhar, 2021, p. 5). Gaysians, like Asian-American men, are similarly stereotyped as feminine, submissive and emasculated with smooth bodies, except the construction of the Gaysian masculinity here is in opposition to the cis-White gay man, who is often seen as the gay clone of the strong, muscular, middle-class heterosexual White man. Even through the construction of the Gaysian identity, Han’s (2018) “centrality of whiteness” phenomenon is observed, where images of the gay community are often depicted by gay organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign, as rich, White and conservative. These monolithic representations continue to relegate non-Western races and cultures to the periphery and reaffirms Whiteness as an inherently valuable currency in a within-group manner, even though the entire queer population is considered a non-dominant group in most places today.

Theory of Sexual Fields

With this historical context on Gaysian representation in society in mind, we require a framework for understanding how sexual relationships and partnerships are formed in today’s highly racialized and complex society as a precursor for exploring the sexual and romantic experiences of Gaysian men and their effects on their sexual identity development. The theory of “sexual fields”, originally coined by Adam Isaiah Green in 2008, has often been cited in this field. A sexual field is described as an “erotic world, marked by high levels of interpersonal interactions between various actors, where individuals come to seek sexual and social partners” (Han, 2018, p. 145). These sexual fields occur across different mediums, ranging from meeting other Gaysians at a bar to online dating apps, and within each sexual field, certain traits may be seen as more desirable than others. These traits span race, ethnicity, age, socioeconomic status and more. Individuals who possess more desirable traits are considered to have more sexual capital than others in that sexual field. Han notes in their analysis of sexual fields theory that such sexual capital is not possessed individually, but “embedded within larger societal values that assign more social worth to certain characteristics,” suggesting that preferences and privileges for those with sexual capital are “likely to transverse across different sexual fields.” This is aligned to the application of emasculating, feminine stereotypes across gay and straight Asian populations in our earlier discussion.

From Han’s research in sexual fields, race is a highly dominant factor where, in line with White supremacy, being Asian was seen as undesirable compared to being White amongst the gay community. The factor of race may even negate other traits that are deemed desirable within a particular sexual field. In one particular interview, a Gaysian man describes his journey building muscle in attempt to make him more desirable in the gay community and increase his sexual capital, but was still found undesirable:

“I had muscles where I didn’t think you had muscles. I looked really good, I was down to 2% body fat, and every muscle in my entire body was obvious. … I used to go to West Hollywood…and I could count on both hands how many times I got picked up or I could pick up… It was horrendous. If I went by myself I was standing in the only empty area of the entire god damn bar. I used to have a 10-foot area around me and people would avoid me, I couldn’t believe it.” (Han, 2018, p. 148)

Despite within-group variability amongst Gaysians, with some attempting to draw themselves closer to the pedestalled cis-gay, White masculinity in order to seek sexual capital, race remains an overriding factor in determining the allocation of such sexual capital, leading to racial discrimination in what is commonly termed “sexual racism”.

Sexual Racism

Modern-day dating in the gay community, especially fueled by the immediacy and accessibility of online dating apps, has given rise to discussions around ‘personal preference’: is it simply personal preference for someone to like mostly or only Asian guys, or do they hold racial prejudices? To answer this question, we will explore the concept of “sexual racism” which is described by a plethora of literature. Thai (2020) defines sexual racism as “sexual and romantic rejection of members of certain racial groups as potential partners” (p. 347), such that there is created a “racial hierarchy of desire…where White men are considered the most desirable and men of color are considered less so, with Black and Asian men relegated to the bottom of the hierarchy” (p. 348). Indeed, being discriminated against in sexual contexts was a commonly observed experience for gay people of color in the literature; a study with about 1200 men of color found that “70% of participants reported being romantically or sexually rejected either online or in public gay venues because of their skin color” (Bhambhani, 2020, p. 712). These patterns of sexual racism align with broader systems of racial oppression that provide privileges to cis-White gays and disadvantage gay people of color.

Lim (2023) extends this definition to include not only the “exclusion of racial minorities as potential partners,” but also the “inclusion of racial minorities based mainly on racial fetishes” (p. 330). This dialectic essentializes a sobering reality for gay people of color: you are constantly not seen as a viable partner sexually and romantically, and if you are seen, you are only chosen to fulfill a specific exotic fantasy for the White gay male. As a result, many Gaysian men may feel a lack of desire for other Gaysian men due to the socially constructed racial hierarchy, as well as “feelings of competitiveness” towards other Gaysian men for the White male gaze, which can “impede the formation of healthy racial and ethnic identity” (p. 331). This fracture of within-group relationships and support can also lead to low self-esteem and self-worth, and is an example of minority stress that cis-White gay men in this context do not experience. Minority stress is “excess stress experienced by individuals who identify as a social minority that is disadvantaged” and this stress is experienced “in addition to regular stressors in life, and…is chronic as it is based on a socially disadvantaged identity that stays constant” (Bhambhani, 2020, p. 711). We will dive deeper into the psychological effects of sexual racism, along with its mechanisms of impedance to healthy Gaysian identity development later in the Discussion section.

Exclusion in Online Dating. The presence of sexual racism and its resulting exclusion of Gaysian men is especially prevalent in online dating forums, and the full spectrum of sexual racism is observed. On one hand, outright racism is seen by profiles with upfront messaging such as “No Blacks no Asians” and “white guys only”. Some Gaysians received racist messages before being blocked entirely on Grindr such as “Squinty eye, no reply” (Han, 2018, p. 149).

This disqualification of men of color is also communicated in less overt and more microaggressive ways which are damaging as they may be more difficult to pinpoint. Gaysians may observe a lack of responses when they initially message White gay men, as well as ‘racial hang-ups’, where the conversation may suddenly end once Gaysians confirm their race either in text or with a picture. In addition, racial preferences may not be overtly expressed but instead communicated by describing traits associated with the desired racial group (Lim, 2023). Attributes such as “clean-cut”, “likes the outdoors” or “masculine” are often coded labels used by and in search of White gay men.

Inclusion via Fetishization. The specific exotic fantasy that White men seek to fulfill from Gaysians is not limited to only Asians but is also seen for other people of color. While Asian men are portrayed as “smooth, feminine and passive bottoms,” African-American men are often painted as “aggressive, dominant and hyper-masculine tops with large penises” (Smith, 2018, p. 391). In both instances, people of color’s sexualities are constructed as non-normal and reduced to such stereotypes.

For Gaysian men, the stereotypes above describe not only the desire for “sexual submission and symbolic domination” (Azhar, 2021, p. 12), but also preferences for sexual positioning where in the gay community, the receiving, the ‘bottom’ role is often seen as more feminine. Given that there is diversity in preferences for sexual position or desire for domination across Gaysians, Lim (2023) notes that Gaysians in pursuit of White partners often “forgo the types of sex they wish to engage in, in favor of meeting racialized sexual expectations to gain access to partners” (p. 331). In a mindset of scarcity to seek validation of the dominant group, Gaysians may prioritize others’ sexual needs over their own which has long-term psychological effects on their self-image and mental health.

Sexual Racism or Personal Preference? To bring this literature review to a close, we revisit the question posed earlier: do people have personal preferences, or are they racist? Based on our explorations above, I would argue that this is an either-or fallacy that masks deeper societal forces at play. Individual White gay men may believe that their personal tastes that are exclusionary or inclusionary of people of color are truly and uniquely personal, but what is conveniently missed is the fact that those tastes are subliminally constructed over time by existing systems of racial oppression through media representation and societal messaging. These systems remain unaddressed in our dialogue around personal preference and unfortunately remain stabilized. As Han (2018) mentions, “there is a pattern of preference for white men, even among gay men of color, that hides the larger structures of power that places a premium value on whiteness” (p. 150). This is further supported by Thai’s findings where they note that “irrespective of whether or not it is defined as racist, sexual racism has the same associations with psychological wellbeing as general racial discrimination” (2020, p. 352). In short, fighting sexual racism requires the same intentionality that general anti-racist work requires beyond the sexual context, and these lived experiences of discrimination exist regardless of whether or how White gay men decide to confront their privileges and role in perpetuating White supremacy.

Discussion

Having established the context of sexual racism and the resulting racial hierarchy that privileges White gay men at the expense of men of color, I propose several key mechanisms by which the Gaysians’ sexual identities are influenced and modulated, and discuss the impact of sexual racism on their overall psychological wellbeing. Understanding and classifying responses by Gaysians to sexual racism is an important first step towards reclaiming power and sexual capital in the long term.

Influences on Identity Development

Internalization & Self-Betrayal. Gaysians may internalize societal stereotypes around being feminine and submissive as part of their sexual identity, and accept and perform these expected roles in order to appear desirable to certain White gay men, as previously mentioned in Lim’s work (2023). This may result in them becoming particularly “self-critical and engaged in self-deprecation” (Vo, 2020, p. 350) as they are putting themselves down for not fitting into the beauty and desirability standards defined by and for White gay men. They may also attempt to conceal their Asian identity especially in online dating so as to not be filtered out by White gay men initially. By concealing their racial identity, Gaysians may enjoy a sense of validation by receiving more responses from White gay men, but this is often misguided as they are likely to observe sudden racial hang ups when their race is revealed.

Stereotype Rejection & Denial. In order to distinguish themselves from others, Gaysians may change aspects of their daily lives or their personalities to attempt to appear competitive and “distance themselves from other Asians” (Lim, 2023, p. 331), typically rejecting any semblance of being feminine or submissive. This involves distancing oneself from the negatively perceived stereotypes associated with Gaysian men and instead performing characteristics from cis-White gay handbook by appearing ‘masc’ (slang for ‘masculine’) or ‘clean cut’ (Lim, 2023; Hammack, 2022). As a result, some Gaysians may even blame others in the community in order to cope with their own rejection, or for perpetuating stereotypes around being too feminine, leading to stunted development in their sexual identities and relationships and unfortunately leaving systemic pressures intact.

Racial Identification & Identity Strengthening. Lastly, instead of leaning away from racial stereotypes, Gaysians may align themselves more strongly with their Asian identity through dating other Gaysian men or building coalitions and community groups. One could argue that Gaysian-Gaysian relationships directly challenge the racial hierarchy by reaffirming the value and desirability of Gaysians and is therefore personally empowering. Visibility of these Gaysian-only couples in public, as well as seeing Gaysian men portrayed in media as possible and desirable partners, is also important from a representation point of view to confront sexual racism by deconstructing Gaysians’ internalized desire for White validation, as well as encourage White gay men to reassess their prejudices. As Vo (2020) mentions in their work, Gaysian men often find an eye-opening sense of community when surrounded by others — “an openness, inclusion not yet experienced until that point… (that) felt relieving, overtly loving.” (p. 351). Finding kinship and building within-group alliances can be beneficial for one’s identity formation, especially through comparing experiences and contextualizing them within the larger systems at play.

Influence on Psychological Wellbeing

Earlier we established that the sexual racial hierarchy leads to differential desirabilities between White gay men and Gaysians. Lim (2023) concludes that there is therefore a scarcity of White men seeking Gaysian partners, compared to Gaysian men seeking White partners. The feeling of continual rejection may cause Gaysian men to “feel shame and self-hate with respect to their racial and ethnic backgrounds” (Azhar, 2021, p. 6). There are also feelings of competitiveness and difficulty for Gaysians to reconcile their gay identity and Asian identity. In the instances where Gaysians are successful in finding a White partner, they may have feelings of expendability and racialized objectification especially when that White partner moves on to engage with another Gaysian man.

It is therefore not surprising that such feelings of invisibility, expendability and rejection lead to commonly reported symptoms of anxiety and depression among Gaysians. Multiple studies draw the same conclusion; Bhambhani (2020) reports that 65% of gay men “reported being stressed due to experiencing romantic and sexual rejection on the basis of their ethnicity” (p. 712). This is noteworthy especially for clinicians working with this population, as similar effects on psychological wellbeing are being observed as a result of sexual racism, as general racial discrimination (Thai, 2020).

Limitations & Further Research

While we have seen a proliferation of literature around the effect of sexual racism on Gaysians, there are opportunities to extend this discourse for a traditionally underresearched population. The existing literature is helpful to educate the oppressed population on the greater systems and forces of oppression that affect them, but often misses the perspective and responsibilities of the privileged to engage in the discourse, understand their positions of power and ability to exploit, and help provide allyship or deconstruct the hierarchy. Psychoeducation for the marginalized is helpful to reframe common cognitive distortions around taking individual responsibility for one’s disadvantaged status and discriminatory experiences, but from a social justice lens, clinicians and researchers should consider advancing the work on how to dismantle White supremacy in the context of sexual racism, as well as how to uplift Gaysian strength and desirability through more research around meaningful representation in the media, along with effective identity strengthening and coalition building. Given that this paper is conceptualized from a counseling lens, extending the work of clinicians to re-imagine treatment modalities for Gaysians from a non-Western, social justice lens will be critical for addressing the high incidence of anxiety and depression. For example, applying principles from the field of liberation psychology as coined by Ignacio Martin-Baro, such as developing critical consciousness and strengthening cultural and historical memory, and studying their efficacy for the Gaysian population will be valuable work in our journey as a coalition to seek sexual and romantic satisfaction and fulfillment in the long term.

References

Thai M. (2020). Sexual Racism Is Associated with Lower Self-Esteem and Life Satisfaction in Men Who Have Sex with Men. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(1), 347–353. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-1456-z

Bhambhani, Y., Flynn, M.K., Kellum, K.K. et al. The Role of Psychological Flexibility as a Mediator Between Experienced Sexual Racism and Psychological Distress Among Men of Color Who Have Sex with Men. Arch Sex Behav 49, 711–720 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-018-1269-5

Azhar, S., Alvarez, A. R. G., Farina, A. S. J., & Klumpner, S. (2021). “You’re So Exotic Looking”: An Intersectional Analysis of Asian American and Pacific Islander Stereotypes. Affilia, 36(3), 282–301. https://doi.org/10.1177/08861099211001460

Chong-suk Han & Kyung-Hee Choi (2018) Very Few People Say “No Whites”: Gay Men of Color and the Racial Politics of Desire, Sociological Spectrum, 38:3, 145–161, DOI: 10.1080/02732173.2018.1469444

Christopher C. Lim & Ryan C. Anderson (2023) Effect of Sexual Racism on Partner Desirability in Gay Asian Men, Journal of Homosexuality, 70:2, 329–346, DOI: 10.1080/00918369.2021.1948772

Smith, J.G., Morales, M.C., Han, CS. (2018). The Influence of Sexual Racism on Erotic Capital: A Systemic Racism Perspective. In: Batur, P., Feagin, J. (eds) Handbook of the Sociology of Racial and Ethnic Relations. Handbooks of Sociology and Social Research. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-76757-4_21

Hammack, P.L., Grecco, B., Wilson, B.D.M. et al. “White, Tall, Top, Masculine, Muscular”: Narratives of Intracommunity Stigma in Young Sexual Minority Men’s Experience on Mobile Apps. Arch Sex Behav 51, 2413–2428 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02144-z

Khoa Phan Howard, The Creepy White Guy and the Helpless Asian: How Sexual Racism Persists in a Gay Interracial Friendship Group, Social Problems, Volume 70, Issue 2, May 2023, Pages 361–377, https://doi.org/10.1093/socpro/spab052

Tin D. Vo (2020) Rejection and Resilience in a “Safe Space”: Exploratory Rapid Ethnography of Asian-Canadian and Asian-American Men’s Experiences on a Gay Cruise, Leisure Sciences, 42:3–4, 340–357, DOI: 10.1080/01490400.2020.1712278

Espe, Michael. “No Fats, no Fems, no Asians”: How Gay Asian American Male College Students Understand Sexual Identity, California State University, Long Beach, United States — California, 2019. ProQuest, NYU Library